Is the psychological disorder when affected person is excessively concerned about and preoccupied by a perceived defect in his or her physical features.
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So, I'm totally doing that thing when I convince myself into something. But I seriously think I have this. Today, I was straightening my hair, and I spent thirty minutes trying to get my bangs in the right position. And then before that I spent nearly fifteen minutes trying to get the corner of my liquid eyeliner exactly right.
I constantly think I'm overweight and too short and my height really bothers me to the point I try to walk as straight as possible to appear taller. In my eyes, I have a rat nose. Ever since I was about eight years old I've wanted plastic surgery on my nose. I have this gross acne on my cheekbones that has always been there and I can't get rid of it no matter what I do and I just want it to go away.
I'm extremely, extremely insecure with everything about my figure. I think my hips are freakishly large, my waist is NOT small enough, and my tits are fucking small as hell and they probably won't ever be the size I want them to be. My thighs are humongous and at the very top for about one inch they rub together but nowhere else and it drives me crazy and I hate trying on clothes because I feel like everyone else is smaller than me and that I need to lose weight.
I really do not find myself attractive at all. I know A LOT of girls say that but I really don't find myself remotely pretty. I don't say I find myself extremely unattractive to "fish for compliments". I do it because its true.
And as I'm sitting here looking at some of the compulsive behaviours of people diagnosed with this disorder.
* Compulsive mirror checking, glancing in reflective doors, windows and other reflective surfaces.
* Alternatively, an inability to look at one's own reflection or photographs of oneself; also, the removal of mirrors from the home.
* Attempting to camouflage the imagined defect: for example, using cosmetic camouflage, wearing baggy clothing, maintaining specific body posture or wearing hats.
* Use of distraction techniques: an attempt to divert attention away from the person's perceived defect, e.g. wearing extravagant clothing or excessive jewelry.
* Excessive grooming behaviors: skin-picking, combing hair, plucking eyebrows, shaving, etc.
* Compulsive skin-touching, especially to measure or feel the perceived defect.
* Becoming hostile toward people for no known reason, especially those of the opposite sex, or same sex if same-sex attracted.
* Seeking reassurance from loved ones.
* Excessive dieting or exercising, working on outside appearance.
* Self-harm
* Comparing appearance/body parts with that/those of others, or obsessive viewing of favorite celebrities or models whom the person suffering from BDD wishes to resemble.
* Compulsive information-seeking: reading books, newspaper articles and websites that relate to the person's perceived defect, e.g. hair loss or being overweight.
* Obsession with plastic surgery or dermatological procedures, often with little satisfactory results (in the perception of the patient).
* In extreme cases, patients have attempted to perform plastic surgery on themselves, including liposuction and various implants with disastrous results.
* Excessive enema use (if obesity is the concern).
So I have ten of those.
Self-harm, compulsive mirror checking, attempting to camouflage things, wearing clothing to distract from my face and body, excessively straightening my hair for hours, seeking reassurance from loved ones, excessive dieting, comparing body parts/appearance to those of others, compulsive information seeking, and obsession with plastic surgery.
Symptoms?
* Obsessive thoughts about (a) perceived appearance defect(s).
* Obsessive and compulsive behaviors related to (a) perceived appearance defect(s) (see section below).
* Major depressive disorder symptoms.
* Delusional thoughts and beliefs related to (a) perceived appearance defect(s).
* Social and family withdrawal, social phobia, loneliness and self-imposed social isolation.
* Suicidal ideation.
* Anxiety; possible panic attacks.
* Chronic low self-esteem.
* Feeling self-conscious in social environments; thinking that others notice and mock their perceived defect(s).
* Strong feelings of shame.
* Avoidant personality: avoiding leaving the home, or only leaving the home at certain times, for example, at night.
* Dependent personality: dependence on others, such as a partner, friend or family.
* Inability to work or an inability to focus at work due to preoccupation with appearance.
* Decreased academic performance (problems maintaining grades, problems with school/college attendance).
* Problems initiating and maintaining relationships (both intimate relationships and friendships).
* Alcohol and/or drug abuse (often an attempt to self-medicate).
* Repetitive behavior (such as constantly (and heavily) applying make-up; regularly checking appearance in mirrors; see section below for more associated behavior).
* Seeing slightly varying image of self upon each instance of observing a mirror or reflective surface.
* Perfectionism (undergoing cosmetic surgery and behaviours such as excessive moisturising and exercising with an aim to create an unattainable but ideal body and reduce anxiety.
I have thirteen of those.
Great.
With All The Stars In The Night Sky,
Lyndsey.
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