Vampires.

I've been obsessed with them since I was like...six or seven.
Not because of the Twilight Saga.
Because I've always thought they were amazing. Just...the idea of living an immortal life and feeding off of the life substance of others...fascinates and romances me.
Am I weird?
I think so.
But when people say "Oh you just like vampires because of Twilight." IT MAKES ME SO FUCKING MAD.
>=|
I have a Dracula, original with Bela Lugosi, movie poster in my room. The original Dracula, by Bram Stoker, book. And I've seen plenty of vampire movies.
And Twilight is not depicted correctly.
Vampires are NOT supposed to fucking sparkle in sunlight.
They are supposed to melt >.<
The books were sooo much better. -.-
And the "vegetarian" vampire thing?
Laaaammmeee.
Grr.
I mean, don't get me wrong. I love Twilight&&I'm Team Edward/Jasper.
But I hate how they depicted vampires. (-.,,.-) <-- Angry vampire.


Reach For The Stratosphere,
Lyndsey.

*facepalm*

You're fifteen, a dude, and way bigger than a five foot 110 pound 13 year old girl.
And you're gonna punch me in the face.
Fucking idiot. -.-


Reach For The Stratosphere,
Lyndsey.

&&When You're All Alone.

Dear You,

You mean the world to me, every single day I think of you.

I can't go a minute without think of what would have been, what could be.

I constantly seek your approval on everything.

I would give anything for you to be happy, even if it meant I would live a life of eternal loneliness and depression. Deep down, I would be happy you were happy.

I haven't felt for anyone like this before. I could be having the worst day imaginable, but the littlest things you say can make it the best. I look up into the sky, knowing you're under the same one as me.

I anticipate the moment that everything will be right, perfect, like its meant to be.

And until that moment.

I'll wait.


1433♥,
Lyndseycookie.

Sorry.

Cody Michael Lent: I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for forcing you to take me back back in January. I'm sorry for making you feel like shit. I'm sorry for blaming you for my depression. I'm sorry.

Shiloh Madison Utterback: I'm sorry for being the worst friend imaginable. I'm sorry for getting you in trouble all the time. I'm sorry for putting you in the worst situations. I'm sorry for lying to you. I'm sorry for putting terrible people before you. I'm sorry for hurting you.

Kyle Alexander Basile: I'm sorry for lying to you. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for everyone putting the blame on you. I'm sorry for the drama I caused. I'm sorry.

Lindsey Jean Cole: I'm sorry for walking out on you. I'm sorry for not making our friendship last. I'm sorry for talking about you behind your back. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm so sorry.

Jakobi Salisbury: I'm sorry for going behind your back. I'm sorry for lying to you. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for rejecting you. I'm sorry for talking about your fiancee. I'm sorry for hurting you the second time. I'm so fucking sorry for ruining our friendship.

Cassaundra Marie Matiska: I'm sorry for putting you through everything. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for getting you dragged into my problems.

Alyssa Maureen Lyons: I'm sorry for everything.

Eric Anderson: I'm sorry for existing.

Soo.

I wrote the first lyrical document I have written in over a year.

Take away, take away, everything I ever had.
Take away, take away, everything you ever said when I got sad.

That made me happy,
that made my heart glad,
that I had you.
Baby you know its true.

Take away, take away....

Everything I ever had.
That I remember when I get sad.
To inject my veins with a false happiness,
That I have never had.

Take away, take away,
These memories of you.
Take away, take away,
All these feelings I have for you.

Your dark brown eyes,
Your long hair.

Take it away.

Take it all away.

Baby I need you.

So. It sucks.
But its a start to a possibly decent song.
It sounds better sang instead of written down.


Reach For The Stratosphere,
Lyndsey.

Paranoia.

I have it really bad. -.-
I just sat here scared shitless for like twenty minutes for the stupidest reason ever.
And no. I'm definitely not going to tell you, shitheads. -.-
Sorry. I'm in a really bad mood right now.
I'm worried about Cassie.
:/


Reach For The Stratosphere,
Lyndsey.

(:

So.
Last night was the Green Day concert. It was pretty epic.
I went with CassieeBabee♥.
There was the cutest guy EVER in front of us.
He had on these tiiiiggghhht purple skinnies&&muh Asking Alexandria shirt.
&&He had flippy brown hair.
He was just reallyy cute.
Cassie thinks otherwise -.-
Lmao.
There will be pictures up on the Myspace&&Facebook tomorrow.
Last night I stayed with Cassie&&I am again tonighttt[:
We went swimming.
It was pretty hilarious. Squirting out water&&being Waterbenders and such.
I've been texting Kyle since last night.
:|
Ohhh well.
Jay♥ is at his soccer game right now.
I reallyy hope they win.
He needs to cheer up. :|
In the car on the way back from the concert last night me&&Cassie♥ called Jay♥, Bobby, and Matt to get them to admit they're attractive.
Only Bobby did. -______________-"
But yeah, I've been talking to Kyle.
I'm starting to miss him I guess.
:/
He's being really sweet.
But whatever, y'know?
I just wish him&&I could've worked out.
We would have made a cute couple, I think.
Hes all tall, blue-haired, and brown-eyed. I'm all short, black-haired, and blue-eyed.
&&He has snakebites and I have angelbites.
So it would be adorable.
Idgaf what you say.
He was going to go to the concert, but he didn't.
OH MY GOD.
So, we had lawn tickets, right? And we were standing by all of these guys&&they started moshing and bumped into this girl and she punched them and told them to suck her dick.
I gave her a highfive.

Oh&&I have a quote for you all.

"This is not a party. This is a celebration, for being alive." - BillieBear♥

He actually said that at the concert[:

Kbai.

Liar.

You lied.
You lied to me.
You lied to yourself.
And after all you put me through.
You're just gonna take it all back?
Everything that meant anything to me at all?
You fucking loser.

:|

I have a Green Day concert in less than two hours.
And I was all pumped&&excited&&happy.
Until I got a Myspace alert on my phone.
"Erika Lent has commented your photo!"
-.-
Okay listen up sweets.
You've been dating him for like two weeks, and he is NOT the type of person to go for girls putting his last name as theirs on Myspace.
:]
-.-
Now I'm all depressed.
I don't think he ever loved me, honestly. :|
Anyway, on to happier things.
I'm going to the concert with CassieeBabee♥
&&BrendanFellowOliSykesLover will be there.
&&Some other people I know.
&&Someone I do not want to see, whom I saw in Hot Topic yesterday. -_________-
I GOT THE MOST BEASTLY SOCIAL DISTORTION SHIRT EVAAARRR.
Its black and has a skeleton with a top hat and says Social Distortion.
Lmao.
So yeah.
I'll have the concert pictures up on Myspace♥&&Facebook.


With All The Stars In The Night Sky,
Lyndsey.

Jessi Slaughter.

You are a fail.
Okay, if some of you don't know who she is, shes this little 11 year old wannabe "scene" girl who was trying to become famous on Youtube, Tumblr, Myspace, all that good stuff.
Well, she decided to tell people Dahvie Vanity<3333333, the lead singer of Blood On The Dance Floor who is like 23 and NOT a pedophile, that he came up to where she lived and had sex with her. &&That he called her house all the time and all this shit. Well, a genius asked her to give proof, a video of them on the phone, a comment, etc. She got all mad about it and people started calling her out. Then she proceeded to make a video saying she was going to "pop a glock" in everyone's skulls and make a "brain slushy" and she hoped everyone would "get AIDS and die.".
Okay hun.
First of all, I don't think anyone gives a shit what you say. Second of all, Dahvie Vanity is a nice guy so I do believe you maybe got one comment from him but I HIGHLY doubt you had sex with him. xDDDD. Even if he was a pedophile, he wouldn't fuck you.
Okay, on with the story.
So then badasses like moi got on Tumblr and 4Chan's /b/ board and started posting her real name, address, telephone number, etc. and sent call girls off Craigslist to her house and pizza and prank called her. xDD.
SO THEN.
Her dad made this seriously hilarious video on Youtube. Search "you dun goofed original" on Youtube, it is fucking hilarious. &&He tells people hes going to call the "cyberpolice" and have them "arrested" and all this shit.
AND THEN SHE GOT PUT ON GOOD MORNING AMERICA.
I mean, that is just fucking ridiculous.
&&She was legitamtely 11 at the time, I think she may be 12 now, idk. But seriously man that would be as bad as me saying I seriously fucked Billie Joe Armstrong or some shit like that lmao. And shes a total poser, too. I mean, she just is a camerawhore and a liar. And God forbid the authorities actually did believe her saying she had sex with Dahvie, he would be put on trial, and that would be awful. I just hope no more little wannascenes do shit like this, because it gets annoying after a while.
Kbai.


With All The Stars In The Night Sky,
Lyndsey.

...

Do.
Not.
Touch.
My.
Fucking.
Stuff.
K?
K.

Party Foul.

Attack Attack!♥
Unce unce unce unce.
Anyway.
I'm thinking about dying my hair all like bright purple :}
Idk though.
xD
This was pointless.

Piercings♥

So far I have;:
[click the name of the piercing to see a piksha]

Angelbites.

2G gauges in one ear&&0G gauge in the other.

Three cartilage piercings in my right ear.

&&I want;:

Septum.

Top of my belly button.

Bottom of my belly button.

Hip piercings.

Madison.

Wrists.

Back dimples.

Nape.

Tragus.

Daith.

Conch.

Helix Orbital.

Vampire bites.

&&Then there are the ones I'm iffy on.

Venoms.

Corset.

Achilles. (both ankles)

Smiley.

Frowny.

Sooo yeah[:

I'd do tattoos too, but that would take me forever since I'm highly descriptive&&I want a ton.


With All The Stars In The Night Sky,
Lyndsey.

&&The Lion Fell In Love With The Lamb.

My life has sucked lately.
And I really haven't talked to anyone but Jay about this, and I really just want to get it out of my system since there is nobody to talk to right now except Matt. -.-.
I've felt really alone lately.
Like not...physically alone.
But like...as if there isn't anybody in the world that cares.
And I just sit here every night on this thing, talking to random people.
And I just feel so...empty.
And Jay has felt the same way.
Like...almost as if I have this huge pressure on my chest.
I can't explain the emotionless feeling anyway better than that.
I've felt this way since June. I mean, not as often as I do now, but its just getting worse and worse.
And I have this constant anxiety.
I can't get rid of it and its driving me insane.
It really is.
I just...I wish I could be completely happy for once.
:/.
I haven't hugged anybody in two weeks.


With All The Stars In The Night Sky,
Lyndsey.

:/...

So yesterday, last night, and today have been horrible.
Yesterday Jay and I broke up, right?
And then a bunch of shit happened which resulted in calling the police, me having a panic attack, and not sleeping all night.
Today Jay and I finalized our break up "for the moment".
-.-
I'm so sick of this.
I really am.
I don't want a relationship for a long time. I really don't. I just want to be alone.
:/


With All The Stars In The Night Sky,
Lyndsey.

Storm.

So, I have kindasorta decided I'm going to begin going by Storm.
Okay I lied, I haven't decided.
But I am thinking about it. Just because its cooler than Lyndsey.

With All The Stars In The Night Sky,
Storm/Lyndsey.

I Don't Know If You Know...

But you mean the world to me.

Please stop hurting yourself.

x]♥

My Jaycookie is coming into Jackson for Labor Day[[:
To see moi(:
I am so happy.

Anyway.

I talked to Cassie&&Emily all night last night and it was prettyyy fun. xDD

I'm talking to Cody right now. He's so nice.

He randomly IM's me asking me if I'm okay because of my statuses last night.

(:

Oh God. -.-

This kid is just too funny, lmao.

Anywayyy.

Wow second time I've said that. xD. But anyway (3rd. xD]. Oh sweet Geezu$ I love Emily. xDDD.

I might go to my grandmama's to go swimming with the cousins.

I have nothing else to say.

So...


Duces.


With All The Stars In The Night Sky,
Lyndsey.

Nightmare.

I can't believe you have done this to me. I don't even know what happened that night.

I don't know what I did.

And I don't know what YOU did, either.

And no, it wasn't of my accord. No, I didn't decide to get fucked up. You decided that for me. You decided what happened that night. I don't have any memory of it.

So now everyday I think about it. What could have happened. What did happen. And I don't know. I don't know what did happen.

I can't blame you for this though. It was my decision to go. But not mine to get fucked up.

I have fucking nightmares every fucking night now.

I don't even know who I am, because one of the most important things about someone might be gone from me.

And I don't know if it is.

Fuck you.

♥

causeandeffect18 (5:56:46 PM): Well My phone is being stupid but whenever you get this i gtg but i love you baby (: i will talk to you tonight if i can.
HighOnLyndsey (5:58:03 PM): I love you too honey[[[:. Baii


Made me smile like a little kid.

Past Few Days.

Have been good and bad.
On the 12th Jay finally asked me out♥.
Yesterday I went to the fair with Lindsay.
It was fun.
Until her friend and his friends showed up. -.-
Oh&&yeah my phone broke.
About that.

My fucking phone broke. You're acting like I fucking threw it to the ground on purpose. You didn't fucking pay for it so you shouldn't be acting like you have some huge authority over me, because you don't. You never will. And then you say that everything I care about is stupid, materialistic, and nobody gives a fuck. I'm sorry that I got a little bit upset that the things saved to my old phone will be gone. I'm sorry that those things meant a lot to me. You will never understand. Ever. You never understand anything about me, you act like you do understand me, like you know all this bullshit about me.

No. You. Don't.

You don't know me. You know NOTHING about me. Hell, two months ago you thought I was turning sixteen this December. I'm turning fourteen. Congratulations on failing. And then you always say shit about me just because I never completely learned how to play guitar. I'm sooo fucking sorry I can't play guitar like you do. And then you say I'm not creative at all. I think writing three novels at once is pretty fucking creative. I think having two notebooks full cover to cover of anime drawings is pretty fucking creative, too. And then you make fun of the music I listen to. Y'know, people listen to DIFFERENT music then YOU do. Isn't that shocking?! :O.

I'm so fucking sick of you. And then you act like I don't do anything productive. Hmm...lets think here. You lost your job in February. Its August. Your unemployment is running out. You say "Oh, I'm gonna go get a job." blah blah blah. You haven't. And when your unemployment runs out, my mum is going to have to pay for EVERYTHING. Everything. The $700 twice a month rent, the cable, the Internet, Consumers Energy, phone, etc. And she only gets paid every other week. Shes not going to be able to pay all that herself.

I am just.

Done.

You.

You are fucking insane.

-.-

So I hate my life right now.
a) I woke up too late to go to the fair.
b) Jay is mad at me and refuses to talk to me.
c) I have nothing to do.


-_______________________________________-

Fml.

Body Dysmorphic Disorder.

Is the psychological disorder when affected person is excessively concerned about and preoccupied by a perceived defect in his or her physical features.

>.>

So, I'm totally doing that thing when I convince myself into something. But I seriously think I have this. Today, I was straightening my hair, and I spent thirty minutes trying to get my bangs in the right position. And then before that I spent nearly fifteen minutes trying to get the corner of my liquid eyeliner exactly right.

I constantly think I'm overweight and too short and my height really bothers me to the point I try to walk as straight as possible to appear taller. In my eyes, I have a rat nose. Ever since I was about eight years old I've wanted plastic surgery on my nose. I have this gross acne on my cheekbones that has always been there and I can't get rid of it no matter what I do and I just want it to go away.

I'm extremely, extremely insecure with everything about my figure. I think my hips are freakishly large, my waist is NOT small enough, and my tits are fucking small as hell and they probably won't ever be the size I want them to be. My thighs are humongous and at the very top for about one inch they rub together but nowhere else and it drives me crazy and I hate trying on clothes because I feel like everyone else is smaller than me and that I need to lose weight.

I really do not find myself attractive at all. I know A LOT of girls say that but I really don't find myself remotely pretty. I don't say I find myself extremely unattractive to "fish for compliments". I do it because its true.

And as I'm sitting here looking at some of the compulsive behaviours of people diagnosed with this disorder.

* Compulsive mirror checking, glancing in reflective doors, windows and other reflective surfaces.

* Alternatively, an inability to look at one's own reflection or photographs of oneself; also, the removal of mirrors from the home.

* Attempting to camouflage the imagined defect: for example, using cosmetic camouflage, wearing baggy clothing, maintaining specific body posture or wearing hats.

* Use of distraction techniques: an attempt to divert attention away from the person's perceived defect, e.g. wearing extravagant clothing or excessive jewelry.

* Excessive grooming behaviors: skin-picking, combing hair, plucking eyebrows, shaving, etc.

* Compulsive skin-touching, especially to measure or feel the perceived defect.

* Becoming hostile toward people for no known reason, especially those of the opposite sex, or same sex if same-sex attracted.

* Seeking reassurance from loved ones.

* Excessive dieting or exercising, working on outside appearance.

* Self-harm

* Comparing appearance/body parts with that/those of others, or obsessive viewing of favorite celebrities or models whom the person suffering from BDD wishes to resemble.

* Compulsive information-seeking: reading books, newspaper articles and websites that relate to the person's perceived defect, e.g. hair loss or being overweight.

* Obsession with plastic surgery or dermatological procedures, often with little satisfactory results (in the perception of the patient).

* In extreme cases, patients have attempted to perform plastic surgery on themselves, including liposuction and various implants with disastrous results.

* Excessive enema use (if obesity is the concern).

So I have ten of those.

Self-harm, compulsive mirror checking, attempting to camouflage things, wearing clothing to distract from my face and body, excessively straightening my hair for hours, seeking reassurance from loved ones, excessive dieting, comparing body parts/appearance to those of others, compulsive information seeking, and obsession with plastic surgery.

Symptoms?
* Obsessive thoughts about (a) perceived appearance defect(s).

* Obsessive and compulsive behaviors related to (a) perceived appearance defect(s) (see section below).

* Major depressive disorder symptoms.

* Delusional thoughts and beliefs related to (a) perceived appearance defect(s).

* Social and family withdrawal, social phobia, loneliness and self-imposed social isolation.

* Suicidal ideation.

* Anxiety; possible panic attacks.

* Chronic low self-esteem.

* Feeling self-conscious in social environments; thinking that others notice and mock their perceived defect(s).

* Strong feelings of shame.

* Avoidant personality: avoiding leaving the home, or only leaving the home at certain times, for example, at night.

* Dependent personality: dependence on others, such as a partner, friend or family.

* Inability to work or an inability to focus at work due to preoccupation with appearance.

* Decreased academic performance (problems maintaining grades, problems with school/college attendance).

* Problems initiating and maintaining relationships (both intimate relationships and friendships).

* Alcohol and/or drug abuse (often an attempt to self-medicate).

* Repetitive behavior (such as constantly (and heavily) applying make-up; regularly checking appearance in mirrors; see section below for more associated behavior).

* Seeing slightly varying image of self upon each instance of observing a mirror or reflective surface.

* Perfectionism (undergoing cosmetic surgery and behaviours such as excessive moisturising and exercising with an aim to create an unattainable but ideal body and reduce anxiety.

I have thirteen of those.

Great.


With All The Stars In The Night Sky,
Lyndsey.

And If They Get Me....Take This Spike...And...

MCR♥
So I have finally decided my new favourite bands!
1) Green Day [forever&&always♥]
2) Hawthorne Heights
3) My Chemical Romance
4) Asking Alexandria
5) The Misfits
6) Paramore
7) The Ramones
8) Carnifex
9) Sex Pistols
10) Insane Clown Posse

;DD


With All The Stars In The Night Sky,
Lyndsey.

Wow.

Just...I'm shocked right now.

Fat.

So. I'm going to lose weight. A lot of weight.

Because I want to. And nobody is going to talk me out of this, this is what I want to do, and I can do this.

I'm going to weigh 100 pounds by Halloween.

October 31st.


With All The Stars In The Night Sky,
Lyndsey.

Burnout.

So today was alright I guess.

I got two new pairs of jeans. At JCPenneys they had a deal if you bought one pair of Arizona jeans you could get another pair for one dolla! :}DD

So I got two of the same ones, since the skinny jeans were only in one wash. -.-

And they actually had a 5S! [size five jeans that are made for shorter people like myself :P xD]

So I was like yayyy pants that fit. Lololol.

So one pair I'm going to leave alone and the other pair I'm ordering patches off of AngryYoung&Poor and I'mma sew them on there and splatter paint and bleach and then rip them up and wear them with my cut up Rancid shirt.

Lmao, iFail.

I am so excited for this though, these pants are gonna look badasssss.

:]

Oh&&everyone should check this chick out.
http://www.myspace.com/berryunconventional

She makes clothes&&shes prettyy badass.

xPPP


With All The Stars In The Night Sky,
Lyndsey.

Life.

So, my life lately has been pretty wishy-washy.

Over the past few months I've come to realize I want to change. A few weeks ago I became associated with a person I should not have became associated with. And its funny how when I say that I'm assuming people are assuming I knew said person for a few months, when really I only knew them for a matter of a week for them to completely fuck up my life.

But hey, it happens.

Basically. I've come to the conclusion I am getting people out of my life that I do not need. All they do is cause trouble, problems, and drama for me, they do nothing positive and I don't believe they ever will. I don't need people like that in my life anymore, I really don't.

Another thing. Somebody that is a huge role in my life might take another place in my life, so I'm hoping♥. They really do mean the world to me and I don't think anybody will ever understand how much I care for them. I think the only matter of having that work out for me is to change, which I need to do.

I'm done being immature. I need to grow up. I need to wake up and realize the world is not a Sims game when I can just go and make mistakes left and right. Because my mistakes are beginning to have more and more consequences.

I've lost too many people in my life already. I don't need to lose anymore. And I believe if I keep acting the way I have been acting until now, I'll lose everybody. Yes, even you Cassie. Even if you say anything different.

So I'm going to change. I mean it this time. This also means a new signature.


With All The Stars In The Night Sky,
Lyndsey.

-.-

I really hate myself sometimes.
I have no idea why people think I'm so fucking great.
I'm not, I'm one of the worst people to walk this Earth, I swear.
I lie, I cheat, I hurt.
I'll tell you something right now.
If I wasn't so "pretty" as people think I am,
I wouldn't have any friends.
Wanna know why?
Attraction alerts attention.
Yep.
So I'm pretty.
That's it.
Wow.
I have a great life ahead of me.
-.-

I Met My Love Before I Was Born. ♥

I'm listening to AFI.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfIvxORFEJM
I like this song.
I saw it on MTV like two years ago and I started listening to them in the 7th grade.
Lawl.
Well.
I don't particularily like them that much. I just like that song&&Fourth Season.
:P
So now I'm trying to like AFI since they're the ones opening for Green Day♥.
:PP
They're kind of a horror punk band but they went through that emo kid phase and their new music is just different.
:P
So, Jay and I have been talking.
And we came to the conclusion we're not going to date right now.
Because:
1) He doesn't want to be in a relationship right now.
2) Distance kinda.
3) He doesn't want to lose me.

So...yeah. :/
Kinda depressed right now.


Love&&Stitches,
Lyndsey

OH. MY. GAWD.

That. Is. The. HOTTEST. Guy. EVAR.

I came across him on VampireFreaks.

Hes 18 and lives in England. :}}}

Anyway.

I'm talking to Alyssa♥ right now. (:. I get my hair cut tomorrow.

I really really really want my hair to look like this;:





But with my bangs and a little bit shorter and the bottom cut better.

My hair is so short and thin. -_-

I have that girl added on Myspace. Her name is Natalie Lyn. Shes so pretty&&skinny[:

Hmm...I am listening to Incubus.

PARDON MEEE

(:

I'm getting new tunnels tomorrow. They're the soft flexy kind so I don't need to taper them, even though I only did when I went from 14gs to 6gs. xD.

Right now one of my ears is a 2g and the other is a 0g.

So I'm either going to do both of them up to 00g or just to do the 2g up to a 0g. :P

And I pierced my septum today.

But it hurt too bad to get the jewelery through it,so I'm waiting for my birfday.

<33

And my mum said I can get my belly button done too, and maybe on the septum, which I'm taking as a yes.

And my Uncle Blair is doing them, and if he can't I'm going to Dreadnought because they don't have that stupid age rule. :}D

I'm all strung out, my heart is fried, I just can't get you off my minddd.

Ke$ha<3

I see Green Day with CassieBear in 18 days. :}DDD

I is so excited(:

YOUR LOVE, YOUR LOVE, YOUR LOVE...IS MY DRUG! (:

I love this songgg.

&&California Gurls.

I always dance to that song. xDD.

Imma go now.

Kbai.


Love&&Stitches,
Lyndsey.

Wow. xDDD.

Wow. So little seventh graders assume people hate them when they don't even ask you about it.
Roflmao.
They're in for a rude awakening at Parkside.

If You Really Knew Me.

If you really knew me, you would know everyday I have to think of a reason to get up and live my life, and its getting harder every day.

If you really knew me, you would know I know I'm going to end up losing everyone.

If you really knew me, you would know I blame myself for everything that ever happened to my mother since I was born.

If you really knew me, you would know I haven't felt loved by my mother in over two years.

If you really knew me, you would know alcoholism and drug addictions are huge problems throughout my entire family.

If you really knew me, you would know I only genuinely trust three people.

If you really knew me, you would know I'm constantly told I'm told how much of a disappointment I am to my grandmother.

If you really knew me, you would know my mother called me an insane bitch two days ago.

If you really knew me, you would know I'm scared of where I live.

If you really knew me, you would know I completely lost one of my best friends.

If you really knew me, you would know I don't find myself even remotely attractive.

If you really knew me, you would know I want nothing more than to be someone else.

If you really knew me, you would know I'm terrified that I'm going to end up committing suicide.

If you really knew me, you would know disgusting lies are spread about me all the time.

If you really knew me, you would know I want nothing more than to be accepted for once.


I think everyone should post a blog like this.

I want everyone to know. I'm done judging. I am here for everyone.

I love you.


Love&&Stitches,
Lyndsey.

Summer.

So, summer is almost over with.
Its August 2nd man!
In three weeks, I get to see Green Day. :)
ANYWAY.
This summer has sucked so hard.
Last summer was so epic!
How could this one suck so bad?!
Gurr.
Well, the night of the last day of school was pretty amazing.
Haa Jessica<3.
So I mean.
What has happened this summer...
Hmm...
1) I thought I fell in love.
Okay. I really am beginning to think I didn't love Matt. I mean...don't get me wrong, I really cared about the kid...but its like...I dunno.
2) I fucked up.
Haa.
3) I partied a bit.
:}D
4) Me and Shiloh made memories.
<3
5) I finally visited Cassie in Holt.
<33.

So yeah.

I reallyy want school to start.

>.<

Love&&Stitches,
Lyndsey.

7th Graders.

So, I'm now technically an 8th grader, no?
And I just started thinking about next year's 7th grade.
Will they be as bad as my 7th grade?
Oh my God...xD
So many posers, ugly kids, just...oh God. xD.
I wonder if they'll be worse. o.o
So I have a plan.
On the first lunch of the '10-'11 school year.
I'm going to go around asking 7th graders if they're emo.
xDDD.
Just to do it.
(:

Love&&Stitches,
Lyndsey.